Bright and early

It's been a while but i'm back, I'm up bright and early getting ready for a family reunion. I'm excited not so much for the reunion but more for getting out of Sacramento. I can't wait to be around family and friends who love and care for one another, just to be around genuine people it's a good thing. We all need to be around people who let us lay our hair down once and a while. Well i'm in a rush I know it's kind of brief but I will be back soon! :)

Starting over

My journey starts today, I'm transitioning from male to female now. No more procrastinating, caring what people think, drowning myself in sorrows. Time is always moving at a steady pace and I don't want to get left behind. All my life I've been unhappy with who I was and and mad at the person I wanted to be. I'm excepting the things I cannot change and just going with the flow of  life. I'm happy i'm becoming the person I always felt I was. As I looked in the mirror as Devon my eyes were so dead and lost with confusion and now when I look in the mirror my eyes have so much and meaning. I look at myself and say "wow, you really did it, you said what you wanted to do and fucking did it!" It's only the best to come, I know there will be struggle but that's what makes it sweeter.  The struggle and all the hard work makes you want it more, it builds your drive to want to be a better you; it's humbling. I'm on a journey of finding myself, letting go of the past, and saying hello to my future, because that is what awaits not the past. I'm happy with myself and content, I also know it has just begun as Zoe.

Me and my fucking best friend forever.

                                                       
Spending time with my bestie I always enjoy her company, when i'm with her I feel as if I can let my hair and be me and truly be accepted. Were growing up moving on in life but we will remain as close as we are now, We seriously laughed at this for like 15min. straight, this is why I freakin love her haha.

Is it worth it?

The question I ask myself frequently is it worth it. All this pain and suffering I have to endure to be recognized as a monster, a freak, an abomination? Is it really worth it? Is it worth it judging someone who lives a different lifestyle than you? Is it worth it smiling in ones face a and laughing at his shadow? Is it worth it to aspire to be greater? Is it worth it to dream a dream that will unlikely happen? I think it is, this little bit of hope feeds a nation, The desire to want better, to have a sense of stability with your self. To have a still moment, even if it's just a second to have a clear thought. It's worth it to live out your dream because it inspires another, and as their inspiration becomes reality it then spreads. So it's worth it we all are wishing on a dream to come true it's up to how real the dream will become.

Almost 12 am

Today is seriously one of the most saddest days ever for me, but it's my fault. All my friends are graduating except for me. Even though i'll be graduating next year it's still sad and upsetting to see them go and graduate together while I stay back and have one extra year. I feel as if their living in 2013 and i'm living in the 70's. I'm happy for them, I wont complain anymore I just gotta just keep it moving and move the fuck on AAGGHHHH!!!!!!!! I wanna cry but I cant let it out, I should of just stayed on top of my shit and got through high school like normal kids but I wanted to be a rebel and ditch school so here I am. I'll be done and graduating class of 2014, my brother also graduated a year later like me I swear it's a curse. I just hate school,but that's no excuse. I am still here living, breathing, and drinking soy caramel  frappuccinos so the worlds not over, just make the best of your situation and don't make the same mistake. Oh and by the way it's almost 12am and i'm doing homework, listening to depressing music, and venting to who ever is listening......well reading. So I guess know one lmao.

September

In September a part of my life begins, seeing my face illuminate in the reflection of his ray bans excites me for that day, within that little moment I feel safer, stronger, happier, and free. I am no longer the oldest I can feel as if i'm a child again for a few weeks then it's gone. It's two gifts in one my brother being home and me being able to hold on to my youth for yet another month. I can feel again, within this month I kid you not I feel perfect, everything is how it's supposed to be no questions asked. It's just something about family that gets you going, it's a god giving gift. To feel whole, when there gone to miss them dearly, to reminiscence about old times as it draws a smile to your face, to wish upon something to be together, long nights of prayer for their health, safety and return, knowing in your heart you wish nothing but greatness in their future, embracing their flaws loving them for who they are and who they want to become in my case. It changes ones perception because they come to understand how that loved one feels so they have a different perspective of all their "kind". It's a beautiful thing to see love, the love of god it's just amazing. Can't wait ti'll September to fuck up some shit with my brother and his girlfriend ;)!

PS: He's an army man.

Majestic

 

                                

                                 

                               

I found Majestic back in 2012, I remember thinking I was the shit because I had found a new way to discover music and photography at the same time. I thought I was different "A hipster", I don't even wanna be a hipster the meaning  has been taken out of context but anyways.....Majestic is a music channel on YouTube that combines music and photography. If your a music junkie like me I suggest you check him out! He's freaking AH-MA-ZING! When people ask me what type of music I listen to I say majestic music, they usually look at me like i'm "cray cray" lmao but then I tell them to look it up and they fall in love. So look up majestic give him a shot! Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/user/majesticcasual